DO I
LOVE HIM
OR
LEAVE
HIM?

 

 Are you wondering where your man went - that wonderful man who swept you off your feet?

 

Is it painful to remember a time when you felt deeply in love? Does it hurt to recognize the romance, connection and affection that you once had is a distant memory?

 

Do you feel unheard, unappreciated, exhausted or confused?

 

Are you feeling discouraged, fed-up or just plain irritated by everything he does?

 

Are your arguments becoming more commonplace or more hostile?

 

Seriously, have you ever contemplated the question “Do I stay or do I go?”

 

If so you are not alone. For a start you’re like the thousands of women I’ve worked with in the last 20 years.

 

 

Hello, I’m Nikki Green, I'm a psychotherapist, sexual/marital therapist and an affairs expert with over 20 years of working with couples, and I have some very good news for you. It really is possible to turn that relationship that feels like a pile of burnt-out embers into the brightly burning phoenix of your soul-mate relationship. One in which you feel alive, appreciated, cherished and safe.   

 

Sure, I can certianly show you how to do it, but the best news is; I can show you how to do it by yourself!  Yes you read that correctly - you don’t need your partner to come into therapy, take a course or even read a book!

 

I’m not going to ask you to do anything that isn’t backed by research, hasn’t worked for countless other women I’ve worked with, or that I haven’t benefitted from first-hand in creating my own soul-mate relationship.

 

Research shows that at least 80% of women have some level of dissatisfaction in their relationships. It’s hardly surprising as we’re in the unprecedented situation in which the Love-Relationship Blueprint passed onto us is totally obsolete; it’s failing us miserably.

 

Most of us saw it fail to serve our mothers and grandmothers who tried to use it to negotiate the imbalance of power both at home and at work. They endeavoured to lead the way for generations of career women, yet also act as role models for how to have a fulfilling love relationship. It really was a case of the blind leading the blind. For the first time in history an economic power shift allowed women to pair-up for love rather than through necessity, BUT WE NEVER RECEIVED THE TRAINING TO MAKE THIS WORK.

 

My generation’s use of that deficient model (inevitably passed down to us by our mothers), has led to an alarming divorce rate of 50%+ and a predilection for infidelity that has understandably destroyed both our own faith, but also sadly the faith of our children. Have they in turn become, for the most part, a generation of commitment-phoebes, determined not to make the same mess out of their relationships that we did, by either not having one or having several at the same time? Is polyamoury (which is becoming more popular among the younger generation) their hopeful yet misguided solution to the seemingly impossible task of making a relationship work?

 

I don’t want to put any pressure on you ladies but I’m not exaggerating when I say the future happiness of humanity depends on us completely redefining and redesigning the modern Love-Relationship Blueprint, so that we can be informed enough to be happy ourselves and advise our children well.

 

The good news is we are in a great position to do just that. Today we are so fortunate to be able to call on decades worth of insightful research – not only the vital research into the secrets of happy, long-term couples, but also from other fields like human sexuality, success, motivation, satisfaction, learning and neuroscience; all of which I’ve drawn on in both my work with couples and the creation of this course.

 

I totally understand how you may believe the main problem in your relationship is caused by your partner’s unsupportive ambivalence, his inability to listen or understand you, or his unwillingness to change – there was a time when I completely believed that too - I’ve certainly witnessed enough of that behavior in my work and in my own past relationships. However, backed by volumes of research, seeing it in action countless times with clients, and having put it into action myself, the empowering truth is; AS A WOMAN YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY CHANGE THE DYNAMIC OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

 

Yes you heard me right; I said single-handedly! A relationship is a dynamic system, with both partners constantly reacting to the other; change the way one relates and you’ll totally change the system.

 

You may at this point either be skeptical, especially if you’ve tried working on your relationship and he either wouldn’t or couldn’t do the work or even see it was necessary. Or you may be thinking “well why the heck is it all up to me?” 

 

Instead I invite you recognize that men and women are wired differently and that women have the innate capacity to be the one who completely sets the tone of the relationship. All you need to do is unlearn the lessons from the unsuccessful relationship model that most of us were taught and to replace it with one that allows us to be much truer to the essence of what it really means to be a women – to reconnect with the intrinsically loving, nurturing and wise 'Divine Feminine', present in us all. In doing so we awaken the Hero Instinct in our partners – that which is innate in all good men. This course and my Facebook page NikkiGreenOnline are an inviation to join me in this Modern Love Crusade!

We just need to learn, and begin to use, the tools that will enable us to do this. We can finally have the deeply loving and fulfilling relationship we've always dreamt about - most of us with the partner we're with right now!

 

You’ll know whether you need these tools if you ever;

 

  • Lay awake at night worrying about your relationship and your future. 
  • Feel like you’ve been clear about your needs but they’re just getting ignored.
  • Ache for more romance and passion but feel hopeless about how to get it.
  • Feel empty and exhausted due to your over-functioning and over-giving.
  • Worry that you care more about the relationship than he does.
  • Wish he would help more around the house.
  • End up in the same fights over and over.
  • Wonder how you both became so critical.
  • Question where your (or his or both of your) sex drive went.
  • Don’t feel supported in your personal goals.
  • Wonder how you turned into such a nag.
  • Question if you are really meant to be together after all…

 

If you answered yes to any of these questions this course is for you.

 

In Week One you’ll learn what love really is and what it isn’t.

 

You’ll get clear about what your handed-down Love-Relationship Blueprint looks like and how it’s hindered you so far.

We’ll start the incredibly liberating and empowering process of rewriting it.

You’ll understand your (and your partner’s) Attachment Style, and how it takes you hostage and has you acting in ways that you don’t feel good about, that aren’t in line with your higher purpose and don’t serve you well.

Knowledge is power and you’ll be able to recognize and start to mitigate the fallout from these deeply entrenched patterns. That alone will be a huge step in starting to reverse the downward spiral that most of us get stuck in, to varying degrees, in our relationships.

You’ll recognize and understand:

  • Your (and your partner’s) Default Operating Styles (note it’s not the same thing as your Attachment Style abov.
  • How they’ve trapped you over time in a downward spiral. One that research shows will only keep getting worse without major intervention.
  • How to reverse this so instead you'll find yourself in a delightful upward spiral - one that will just keep getting better and better over time. For those of you who have been stuck for a long time, the good news is there’s no correlation between the length of time you’ve been stuck and the speed with which you can reverse it.
  • What healthy love looks like – something many of us have rarely if ever witnessed, so you’ll have something to emulate when starting to design your new Love-Relationship Blueprint.

Finally, based on over 30 years of academic research, I’ll be sharing with you the secrets of the ‘Love Masters’, the people who have been together for 20 years and are still madly in love. What you’ll learn may well surprise you.

In Week Two I’ll help you to understand how we’ve got men all wrong and how to appeal to the best in them.

 

You’ll see how women basically respond to men in ways that wouldn’t be so bad if they were women but are catastrophic strategies to use on men, due to how they are wired.

You’ll learn exciting new skills that’ll have an immediate effect on how your man responds. One of my clients described it as like “having a magic wand”, used properly it really has a miraculous power to transform.

Just as we are finding ourselves in uncharted relationship territory so are men - I’ll share with you some of the common dilemmas that I’ve helped thousands of men articulate in my 20 years as a sexual/marital therapist. I think what you hear will surprise the heck out of you but it’s definitely information you need to know. It’ll help you initiate discussions with your man that will help him redefine and redesign the way he relates too, making him feel more hopeful and motivated to making you happy.

Week Three is all about understanding ourselves as women better.

 

Today we as women have more choices than ever but you’ll learn how paradoxically that’s not necessarily such a good thing and exactly how it affects your mind and your relationships. One of the biggest confusions, how to align our masculine and feminine will be explored.

 

In this session I'll help you understand;

 

  • What’s making women so unhappy and recognize how much of that unhappiness is our responsibility and how much we can fairly attribute to our partners - and then what to do about it.
  • What makes you so reactive; whether that shows up as emotional flooding and shutting down, as confrontational anger, or let’s be honest here on a bad day even as blind fury!
  • How to become less reactive. In fact this is one of the areas I’m most fascinated by as it's been one that I've been personally most challenged by in the past. It’s also the topic I’m probably most proud about in regards to the insight and tools I’ve developed to help transform some very strong women I’ve worked with over the years, including myself!

Week Four is all about how to fall in love with the woman you’re learning so much about - yes Sister, I mean you falling in love with you!

 

Why is this so important that I’m devoting a full day to it? The short answer is; if you don’t love you, you certainly can’t expect him to. We’ll go into this in more detail and I’ll show you what it looks like from his perspective.

If you’re like most women who are dissatisfied with their relationship you’ll see how you’ve lost touch with the Devine Feminine and I’ll show you the fastest way to bring her back.

We can’t talk about self love without talking about 'self lovin', so I’ll give you the low down about why desire stops and how to help you come up with some strategies on how to get it back.

Weeks Five is about how to create a better energy IMMEDIATELY by seeing the dance you get stuck in and nipping it in the bud.

 

So when you have some of the more difficult conversations in Week Six there’s some goodwill built up in both of you.

I’m going to show you how to bring a completely different presence to that table – and when that ‘new you’ shows up it’s only a matter of time before the ‘new him’ does.

You’ll learn how to lay the groundwork and create the most fertile environment for the deeper communication work that we’ll cover in Week Six

Week Six is about bringing this new you to your man in a way that serves to invite him back into your relationship and become your new man, the one you’ve been dreaming about for so long.

 

I’m going to show you how to elicit emotion from your man you haven’t seen in years - possibly never for some of you.

I’ll tell you what men need to hear or experience in order to open them up to the more difficult conversations – constructive conversations that you’ve been needing to have for years.

When I work with couples I watch them talking to each other in the same unproductive ways that get them fighting at home. I then translate this into more productive ways to talk and then I ask them to resend it - over time this rewrites their scripts. I’m going to not only give you some scripts you can use right away but also teach you how to come up with your own, based on how you get stuck.

You won’t need to worry if he doesn’t show up right away – I'll explain why he may not and give you tactics on how to deal with it.

If you have applied everything I’ve given you by now, you’ll have some great tools and more clarity about how to use them. After you’ve started to break a lot of your unhelpful habits and  have starting to replace them with more relationship-growing ones, you’ll feel so much more confident about your ability to actually make a relationship work. You’ll feel more entitled to be happy (becuase you know you're finally going about it in the right way) and will be getting along much better with your partner, so this will be a really good time to take stock of whether you want to stay or go.

Week Seven is when I give you the tools for discernment.

 

You’ll feel much more confident about starting to decide whether you have indeed done everything possible from your end and can now explore whether to;

  • a) Celebrate the new gradual emergence of your soul-mate.
  • b) Accept that he’s never going to be that but that he’s good enough to stay with (and how to do that happily).
  • c) To decide that it will never work with him and you don’t want to stay, and what your options are.

Please note that while we are exploring these topics this week there is absolutely no expectation that you should be ready to make the huge, life-altering decision of leaving your relationship right now. It’s merely a guide that you will always have and can draw on at any time in the future when you are ready to make a decision.

Week Eight - As this is the Preliminary Version of this course I’m going to leave this final week open to be filled with a topic that our interactions and your feedback shows that you as a group most want and will find most helpful.

 

About Nikki
 Internationally renowned author, speaker, psychotherapist, and coach, Nikki Green is one of the most highly sought after couples therapists and 'affairs' experts in Hong Kong – a city she playfully yet revealingly refers to as a ‘giant candy shop for men’
Well-qualified and highly experienced, Nikki is renowned for getting to the heart of the matter quickly and profoundly.
Having grown up in classrooms and at birthday parties that resembled the United Nations, she and her work are deeply cross-cultural.
She has trained in a variety of theoretical frameworks, including couples training with the 'Big 3', John Gottman, Sue Johnson, and Les Greenberg, as well as cutting-edge neuroscience and sex therapy.
While she continues to study widely, she finds her most illuminating lessons come from her clients and her own relationship.
She has crafted a powerful method inviting her husband to co-create the vital, loving and supportive relationship they now share, and that she will soon be sharing with the world in her book ‘Do I Love Him or Leave Him?’ A woman’s step-by-step guide to loving fully or leaving gracefully.
This course is being developed by demand, as an interim solution while the book is being finished.
She invites everyone she meets to join her on the Modern Love Crusade.

 

"Working with Nikki helped me see relationships in a way that I would never ever have imagined. My husband had gone with me to another therapist a few years before but refused to get help with me this time. I was at my wits end and ready to leave him when I phoned Nikki. She told me she could help me turn my relationship around without him needing to come in.

The new perspective and tools she gave me have had the most amazing results and helped me turn my frustrating man into my soulmate - seriously, that same man I nearly left in disgust four years ago now dotes on me and makes me happier than I'd ever thought possible. 

When I heard she was creating a course I jumped at the chance to say “take it, you'll be so glad you did!"

Jenna, Hong Kong.

 

 

"Nikki is someone who really helped me change my whole perspective of life and relationships. She is also not only a skilled therapist but she is fun and it feels like I'm talking with a real friend. I am in a very good place in my life and I really thank her for that!!!"

Gabriela, Hong Kong.

 

 

I have recently celebrated a very happy 19th Wedding Anniversary and I can categorically say that without Nikki's skillful and caring help I would not still be married today. 

Ellen, Hong Kong

 

 

Nikki did some Skype group coaching with me and some of my friends. We were all in either stagnant or hostile relationships and the new way she taught us to interact with our partners has made all our relationships so much better. She even helped one of us get out of a really toxic relationship and into a much happier one. We always joke when one of us has a relationship problem "What would Nikki tell us to do?" We can't thank her enough for her wisdom, her insight and her warmth."

Casey and all, Denver CO


Course Information;
 
8 weeks long starting on Tuesday 9th May (please note; this is a week later than originally planned) at 8pm Hong Kong time/ 8am Eastern Standard Time.
Each week consists of 60 minutes of mixed-media, web-based training including live Q&A, where you can bring your questions for live coaching (or send them in advance if you can’t make the Q&A). It’s amazing how much everyone benefits from witnessing others’ questions, especially to do with relationships, as there’s so much we can all relate to.
There will also be short weekly exercises to do, to facilitate experiential learning between sessions – I highly recommend you start to keep a relationship journal.
If your time zone makes it difficult to make the Tuesday live webinars don't worry, I’ll send you each session when it’s finished so you can catch up. You can also join my 30 minute Q&A on Thursdays at 9am PST / noon EST instead. Participants of my group coaching have told me that listening to others receive coaching is just as powerful as having their own questions answered, and often reveals questions they didn’t even know they had.
Please note spaces are limited to only 16 people on this preliminary version of my course. I want to keep the numbers small so there’ll be a more intimate environment and you’ll be getting much more attention (than you will at twice the price in future versions!). That's if you want the attention of course, but remember, study is like life, the more you bring of yourself to it the more you get out of it.
 If you sign up for this course you will only be charged US$188.00 which is 50% of the course fee; with the understanding that you will agree to give me feedback about what you liked and what you would have liked more of. If you enjoyed the course a testimonial would be wonderful!
Space is limited, don’t miss out. Sign up today
 
Get on the Waiting List for the next tine I run this course,